goodbyestockholm

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2012-01-13T12:40:00.000-08:00

She held it all together. Because she simply had to. When things came falling apart, she would rise from her sofa and go to the kitchen. There she would evaluate the content of the refrigerator and settle upon the most difficult dish. The refrigerator was always more or less full, because she knew the moment would come and the last thing she'd imagine was to be disarmed when it all comes crashing. Then there would be hours of cooking: all ingredients in separate bowls, perfect amounts of spices and salt, steaming and boiling. When everything was ready she would not serve. The ecstatic moment of amnesia was over. She would retreat back to the sofa and begin waiting for another collapse.

Awakening

2011-12-31T04:09:00.000-08:00

My death will be prettier than yours.

The only advantage I have,

It keeps me content.

I generally dislike the depressed type,

And everyone who claims to be unhappy.

Things are so out of hand -

I’ll be making New Year’s resolutions,

Many.

I have never gone beyond 3000 digits or 6 lines.

Guess I have nothing to say.

I should keep quiet.

At least I have one great advantage,

And that is knowing

That my death will be prettier than yours.

I Don't Know How To Love

2011-12-24T16:50:00.000-08:00

Source

Svetlana Chernikova
Born:8/10/1963
Lives: Minsk region, Belarus

Too bad

2011-12-19T15:39:00.001-08:00

"When I was 16 I had skin problems and was socially awkward. Today I am rich and fly hot chicks on private jets".

"When I was 16 I wanted to be a politician and change the world around me. Today I am a chick who flies on a rich man's private jet".

Summer '01

2011-12-10T13:35:00.000-08:00

OK, so you all probably know Claudine Doury's amazing Artek series. These photos in fact have no copyright other than school#38 (in Post Soviet schools go by numbers - no names) in Volgodonsk city, and yes I need to google this remote Russian city myself. The photographer of these is probably one of the teachers at the school that turned into a camp. The children depicted are Volgodonsk kids who due to various reasons could not go to a real camp but still wanted to enjoy the summer of 2001. Although it lacks all the aspects of a real camp, it is a camp. The place is so ephemeral, that you are no longer sure if Volgodonsk was a real city and if the children ever grew up. Not being able to trace their lives, I will call those series "Puer aeternus" and have them here for your aknowledgement.

To save you from the trouble of having to look up the term, here is a short wiki defitinition:
Puer aeternus is Latin for eternal boy, used in mythology to designate a child-god who is forever young; psychologically it refers to an older man whose emotional life has remained at an adolescent level. The puer typically leads a provisional life, due to the fear of being caught in a situation from which it might not be possible to escape. He covets independence and freedom, chafes at boundaries and limits, and tends to find any restriction intolerable. When the subject is a female the Latin term is puella aeterna, imaged in mythology as the Kore (Greek for "maiden").

O Lord my God, how great Thou Art

2011-12-07T08:26:00.000-08:00

In case facebook is not a sufficient proof of how much you love Jesus, here is another way of demonstrating your commitment to God:

1.Flash for Jesus

2.Or Make porn for Jesus:

3. Yet nothing beats amature lesbians and proud-to-be-heteros showing some love for Jesus:

If you happen to know one of these vigorous Jesus lovers and feel strongly about them being spotted on here, moreover if you are one of these spiritual people, let me know and I'll take off your photo. Also, you should keep in mind that I have browsed through a great amount of photos of Christian exhibitionists and nymphs and narrowed the selection down to the best or at least those whom I personally find outstanding. Digital world is amazing, so is this tumblr- an infinite heaven of modern Eves and occasional Adams.

I wonder if Joan Osborne's question on God being one of us was rhetorical? In case you still wonder - his naked pictures would be all over the internet. Twenty first century came hard and horny shooting it's divine digital semen all over the place. And while this post may seem out of context in terms of my blog, I feel these images are a work of art that bears strong sociological and cultural significance.

Folks

2011-11-27T03:15:00.000-08:00

A post that proves I am still alive. In fact am back home enjoying not having to be responsible for anything. Enjoying small town girl life. Enjoying not having to think how all the motherfuckers have a job and i don't. Enjoying home cooked food. Enjoying the comfort of the world without exhistancial worries and material needs. What a bliss that is.

Transition

2011-11-08T13:59:00.000-08:00

Girl<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Boy

Historically, art and literature in Western culture has portrayed girls as symbols of innocence, purity, virtue and hope.

It may feel uncomfortable to a male to be called a "boy" if he believes he has assumed the traditional roles of a "man".

Glitch

2011-10-13T03:59:00.000-07:00

Source: - - -

Shutters closed at any given time of the day. Lying intoxicated I would try to grasp reality, but I could only see my room floating in the dark, in the empty vacuum space, contemporary Noah's Ark, or at least my interpretation of it.Now that the shutters are open, the Ark is crashed. A contemporary cave, that is not going anywhere.

A guest

2011-10-07T03:43:00.000-07:00

Photos: self

I can't distinguish between extreme and plain normal, just like the two of them could not distinguish between friendship and loneliness.

I've witnessed one night and one morning from their lives. Girl lives. Roommate lives. Best friend lives.

They share the same room. They brush one another’s hair in the morning. There are their jokes, their own stories and dreams. They confide in each other. They know each other so well, they hardly have to speak. They are almost sisters. Friends without choice.

I sit at a wooden table.

Loneliness is obscure when observed from aside. Horrifying as it walks in on you naked.

Real

2011-09-27T05:05:00.000-07:00

Helmut Lang FW 1999, SS 2003

Helmut Lang left his own label in January 2005.

La petite mort

2011-09-15T04:10:00.001-07:00

Photo: self

La petite mort, French for "the little death", is an idiom and metaphor for orgasm.
More widely, it can refer to the spiritual release that comes with orgasm or to a short period of melancholy or transcendence as a result of the expenditure of the "life force", the feeling whereof is caused by the release of oxytocin in the brain after the occurrence of the orgasm. The term "la petite mort" or "the small death" does not always apply to sexual experiences. It can also be used when some undesired thing has happened to a person and has affected them so much that "a part of them dies inside".

A means to liberation

2011-09-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

Photos from Alexander Roitburd's video after the film by Sergei Eisenstein ‘Battleship Potemkin’

Where the texture of the wall and the image intertwined as one.

Covered

2011-09-07T07:51:00.000-07:00

Photos: Anna Sara Davik; tumblr

I felt these two look perfect together.

Hand of gold

2011-08-29T09:25:00.000-07:00

The other day I have been approached with a question. I answered with one word not even paying attention if the word was chosen correctly, whether it was relevant to the meaning I wished to convey. The surprise part came when the person asked me if that was it. Of course it was not. I am so used to getting questions that don’t expect the answer and if they do, they don’t care what it is. Empty conversations, banal code of behavior and ever absorbing indifference were some of the many things that triggered my frivolous answer. I have never been more conscious of how automatic and indifferent I have become.

I think about contemporary prose. I think about how writing today seems so pretentious and corny. I look back. Is it nostalgia? Will I ever be able to enjoy the text that is full of neologisms of past 20 years? I am being biased. I hate it. But I can’t help the sentiment.

Fetus

2011-08-16T02:12:00.000-07:00

Photo: myself by Alexander Alekseenko

In humans, the fetal stage of prenatal development starts at the beginning of the 11th week in gestational age, which is the 9th week after fertilization.

Fetal pain, its existence, and its implications are debated politically and academically. According to the conclusions of a review published in 2005, "Evidence regarding the capacity for fetal pain is limited but indicates that fetal perception of pain is unlikely before the third trimester."

Keep it

2011-08-01T05:59:00.000-07:00

Photos: self

I roll in the dust that is in your eyes.

Notes

2011-07-13T05:46:00.000-07:00

Photos: Alex

i had a dream. i was someone else. i felt pain. someone else’s pain. so sharp, i had to wake up. it was real.

pockets full of sperm, you carry on as disgust takes over me. you made it. lust is not in animal nature. it is human. if you are what human is, then i hate humanity with all my human heart. i have an animal instinct to escape. escape those eyes of desire, those bodies trembling with ecstatic pleasure, those invitations in your perverted fantasies. flesh rots. the world is rotten.

this was when I knew she was getting old. not older, but old. she did not look a moment older to me. but I knew her body was giving up. this was when I realized for the first time that I was going to lose her.

i have a reoccurring dream. it is a reminder of a failure. it is a reminder of you.

See you again and again

2011-07-03T13:41:00.000-07:00

I could upload many more. But this one is an absolute favorite.

40 years after it is.

Them muses of flesh

2011-06-27T08:38:00.000-07:00

Photos: Alex

Muses. You are an artist's destined encounter. You are alive when admired. You exist to inspire. You demand success and coyly wait for gratitude. You burn out in the eye of an artist so fast. And then you turn numb once admiration is gone. He, who once couldn't live without you, suddenly finds strength to abandon you. It is a dirty job you do. It drains you, it drains you. A sacrifice that goes unnoticed. I kiss you on the forehead, oh muse, whose name is not important.

I die

2011-06-25T03:19:00.000-07:00

Photos: 1, tumblr, 3

Stendhal syndrome is a psychosomatic illness that causes rapid heartbeat, dizziness, fainting, confusion and even hallucinations when an individual is exposed to art, usually when the art is particularly beautiful or a large amount of art is in a single place. The term can also be used to describe a similar reaction to a surfeit of choice in other circumstances, e.g. when confronted with immense beauty in the natural world.

...

2011-06-17T08:31:00.000-07:00

photos: self, tumblr

“…boredom is a direct proof that existence is itself valueless, for boredom
is nothing other than the sensation of the emptiness of existence”
Arthur Schopenhauer (‘On The Vanity of Existence’)

White out

2011-06-15T04:26:00.000-07:00

Impeccable simplicity from Stella McCartney's resort 2012

Two names

2011-06-11T13:43:00.000-07:00

David and Lisa (1962)

I came across this film a little more than 6 months ago and all of my attempts to find it turned out futile. Until recently it has finally surfaced on the internet.

David and Lisa is breathtaking. It is the kind of film I enjoy the most: small and hardly known but then the biggest and the most important thing you've ever seen once you hit the closing credits.

You may download it here. Then come back and tell me what you think.

Loathe

2011-05-19T16:07:00.000-07:00

Photos: self
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No one's bride

2011-05-16T03:25:00.000-07:00

Photos: Alex

I did not blog because I was gone. And everything points at that again. I should be gone again. For good. I am moving.

Clean

2011-05-15T16:25:00.000-07:00

complexgeometries ss2011

Equilibrium is the condition of a system in which competing influences are balanced. Disequilibrium is a term used to describe the lack of or opposite of an equilibrium, in other words myself.

Stone cold

2011-05-01T02:14:00.000-07:00

Photos: Alex

Escape into the void. That's all.

Break a face

2011-04-25T11:41:00.000-07:00

Photos: Alex and self.

Local surgery. Upper-eyelid dissection. Three stitches.

Pretty rad for an Easter night.

After you

2011-04-20T14:12:00.000-07:00

Photo by Alex

I liked all the little things that belonged to others. I plyed into people's lives everytime I had a chance. I could spend hours learning things about others. I felt it was necessary as if they asked, as if they wanted my curious eye, as if they liked to show. They did. Everyone does. I watched them as close as they would let me get to. Many thought distance gives them a certain protection or mystery. But I just needed one glance to get an idea and two to know. I liked all the little things that belonged to others. I did. Until I wrote someone else's poem, sang someone else's song, wore someone else's clothes, loved someone else's man and went into someone else's grave.

Stay away

2011-04-16T05:09:00.000-07:00

Kiev, March 2011
Photos by Alex

"Just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're not after you"

I am so hopelessly in love with the dead. And I love how my blog with all that worldwide blogging thirst for making it big, stays an intimate notebook of mine. I let anyone in with a good portion of indifference, yet I am happy I am somewhat heard. Goodbyestockholm is always balancing on the verge of vanishing. Pointlessly though - sadness and disappointment are good catalysts for all my small endeavors to create.

"Devil, probably" 1977

"But if I did anything, then I'd be useful in the world that disgust me. I'll betray my ideas. It would only entrench me further."

I relate to every word in this scene. I could never say it better.

Don't hide your blood

2011-04-14T12:09:00.000-07:00

\

Source: here

There is something so beautiful and unsetteling about these screenshots. I have really missed out on thrillers from the 70s. Such a great inspiration.

Nothing's left

2011-04-10T16:13:00.000-07:00

Hussein Chalayan f/w 2000
background image

Powerful art performance it was. The white room stays absolutely emty in the end, when the chair transforms into a dress and a suitcase and the table becomes a skirt.

If we get through one more night

2011-04-06T12:44:00.000-07:00

Photos: self

Sing, sing, sing,
until you choke.
Louder!
So I can celebrate the sweet moment of silence
that is no more you.

Vanish, burn, quiet.

F/W Love

2011-03-14T07:29:00.000-07:00

Limi Feu f/w 2011

Yohji Yamamoto f/w 2011

Two favorites from this season. One hell of a talented family.

Take you anywhere

2011-03-09T16:20:00.000-08:00

photos: me

I apologize for not posting last week. I have been caught in a haze of a drunken hour that lasted for a week. Here I am now, absolutely empty and sore. I do appreciate though that you nevertheless check my blog. In between losing control and not being able to walk a straight line, I saw one of the best films and then watched it over and over again. John and Mary that is.

Simple as one's life could be, it tells a story of two strangers who meet by chance and spend a night together trying to get to know each other the next day. It is amazing how two great talents (Mia Farrow and Dusting Hoffman) unite in order to make such a small and intimate movie.

La révolution

2011-02-27T15:05:00.000-08:00

Photos from victimofpershing

It is beautiful because it is chaotic, bona fide, inspired and seeking radical change. It is a romantic utopia that is doomed to cease soon under the pressure of conservative standards, governmental forces and obedient minds. It dies out seeping into the cracks it has caused. It's remains corrode that big something and give space for small nothings that so many vigorously struggled for.

As much as despise politics and anything government and system related, I believe this is another horrible illustration of how disillusioned, corrupted and ignorant humankind still is.

The pictures I've posted are from events in Paris in May 1968. I do not care what the political ideas of this were. My approach to this is much more romantic and idealistic. After all, how can you be serious about something that was long ago imposed upon you? And yes, have I been there I too would have fallen a victim of utopist dreams. I can't think of a revolution that had slogans as beautiful as the slogans of protests in May 1968:

Sous les pavés, la plage.
There is a beach under the paving stones.

Dans une société qui a aboli toute aventure, la seule aventure qui reste est celle d‘abolir la société.
Society that abolished adventure, must be abolished.

La révolution est incroyable parce que vraie.
Revolution is impossible because it is real.

La poésie est dans la rue.
Poetry on the streets.

L‘art est mort, ne consommez pas son cadavre.
Art is dead, don't eat it's body.

Le réveil sonne : Première humiliation de la journée !
The alarm clock is ringing - first humiliation of the day.

Imagine : c’est la guerre et personne n’y va !
Imagine that no one showed up to a war.

L’imagination au pouvoir!
All the power to imagination.

Deep sleep

2011-02-24T09:26:00.000-08:00

Wearing: everything Second Hand.

"The hour of the wolf is the time between night and dawn. It is the hour when most people die, when sleep is deepest, when nightmares are most real. It is the hour when the sleepless are haunted by their greatest dread, when ghosts and demons are most powerful. The hour of the wolf is also the hour when most children are born."
("Vargtimmen", 1968)

The Pills Won't Help You Now

2011-02-18T08:27:00.000-08:00

Me by Alex

Right now I feel like someone who has just watched Last Tango in Paris, someone who did not drink enough to forget, someone who just woke up after the sweetest dream ever, someone who has smoked the first cigarette of the day and is a bit dizzy. I feel like someone. That someone is many. I have cultivated enough at this point and I am ready to let go. Sometimes sad feels so good.

Когда-то ты был битником

2011-02-16T18:25:00.000-08:00

Photo by foxe

Men trousers as an alternative to jeans and cropped pants. Tailored bottoms combined with soft comfortable knits and a pair of loafers sound so good for this spring.

Whyred, background photo

This whyred a/w2011 look is everything I desire and more. I absolutely love the hint of a beatnik in the way the silhouette is built. After all, true nostalgia is when you get to be nostalgic in practically everything.

"They danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn..."
- Jack Kerouac, On the Road

William Burroughs and Jack Kerouac (1953 New York)

Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle

2011-02-08T17:25:00.000-08:00

me by Alex

I am cleaning my wardrobe and anticipating spring.

Campus love

2011-02-01T18:16:00.000-08:00

Background photo by morningmoi
Cacharel pre-fall 2011

Give the model some books and there you have perfect Radcliffe girl. Think of Jennifer Cavilleri in Love Story (1970). I think I am much more in love now with my cacharel sweater that I recently bought in a second hand store for $3.

Weltschmerz

2011-01-31T18:19:00.000-08:00

Go to my flickr faves to find the wonderful photographers who took these pictures.

welt·schmerz \ˈvelt-ˌshmerts\ - is a term that denotes the kind of feeling experienced by someone who understands that physical reality can never satisfy the demands of the mind.

Everything means nothing

2011-01-18T15:28:00.000-08:00

Photos: me by Alex.

Faux fur coat - Second Hand

These are some shots we made with my new camera. For those interested it is Olympus Stylus Epic or Mju II. Overall it is one great little camera. Why digital is so painful to shoot with for me?

I wish I could say something meaningful but am too tired and still have things to do. Tomorrow am off to Kiev for some meetings and friends.

Cocoon

2011-01-16T17:24:00.000-08:00

Background photo by Anna Verlet
Perfect look from Rochas pre-fall 2011.

The whole pre-fall collection is mad! Simple, yet quirky. I can't get enough of this look. Ah, so good!

I am a rock

2011-01-11T16:53:00.000-08:00

Photos: self, St.Petersburg. For more, go to my flickr.

I just can't get myself to enjoy reality, no matter how hard I may try (and I rarely try hard). They say that those who live in the past are misfists and those who dwell on the future are dreamers. But who are those who are on good terms with the world of today? I hate the conformity of scenario people call life and put up with. I very much dislike the enthusiasts who believe they live it differently. Oh no, you do not. Very few have written a script of their own, but they are all dead now anyway.

They will tell you, there are "so" many paths to take. I'd love to choose one. I would, if I only could do anything well. Bummer.

Oh you, bitter search of self-identity.

Here.

Heavy

2011-01-10T15:22:00.000-08:00

Here is another beautifully made film. There are many things to love about Mangold's touching debut. To name a few: Debbie Harry, Liv Tyler's angelic beauty and amazing score by Thurston Moore.

Decades

2011-01-09T12:17:00.000-08:00

The photos by me and friends from the New Years. See more at my flickr.

Finally holidays are over and I can get back on a sober mode. My knees are covered with bruises and the body is sore. All I want now is to restore the energy and stop procrastinating.

Le Misanthrope

2011-01-03T18:14:00.000-08:00

Photos: me by Marina, me

All tomorrow's parties

2010-12-29T18:55:00.000-08:00

Go to my flickr faves to find the fine photographers who took these pictures.

A blackened shroud
A hand-me-down gown
Of rags and silks - a costume
Fit for one who sits and cries
For all tomorrow's parties

Happy New Year, people.

Teen Age Riot

2010-12-25T14:44:00.000-08:00

Photos of me by Alex

In the last photo: everything second hand. Love the new black pleated skirt.

These are from awhile back. This week has been weird. In a good way. Have spent the night watching video interviews with Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon. Shit, they are amazing. If you wanna check out some, you absolutely have to watch this!
Been doing a lot of thrift shopping and scored some awesome stuff. Merry Christmas to those who care. I don't but hey, "it's the most wonderful time of the year".

Дыши

2010-12-23T02:43:00.000-08:00

A photo of me from my last film. No idea who took this. No idea when. Surreal.

I ran out of cigs yesterday. Grabbed my bag and went out to get some, but mystically ended up on a small bridge. Thick fog transfixed by dirty yellow light of electricity. The sound of my boots walking on the wet pavement was the only sound in absorbing quiet. Inability to physically see what is ahead seemed so fair. No illusions. Lead me. Shortly after, I found myself in a bar (probably the only 24 hours place in my city) drinking whiskey to the music that just had to be there.

Victim of life and death,
A mutual crime of lovers.
No one asked you if you wanted to live.
No one will escort you to the moment you die.

Total Eclipse

2010-12-23T02:31:00.000-08:00

Great movies are all about timing.

"The only unbearable thing is that nothing is unbearable".

Where will we be when the summer's gone?

2010-12-12T08:12:00.000-08:00

Photos: Alex

Marlboro Jumper - Second Hand

Many great nights were spent by the river this year. She would never interfere with us, but quietly wash away our worries, fears and doubts. Coming across these photos made my heart ache for those careless times and people who are far away now. It is ironic that as much as I want to leave this place I am the one who stays.

Lizard King

2010-12-08T12:30:00.000-08:00

Photos: rising70

Jim was born the same day (December 8th) John Lennon was shot. He died at the same age Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin died. This is pretty much it for me.

It's revealed once more.
What? Eternity.
It's the sea run off
With the sun.

(from Arthur Rimbaud's poem "Eternity")

The West is the best

2010-12-08T08:47:00.000-08:00

Perfection.

I rarely look at editorials these days, but the spread with this look was just too good to go past. Never liked wearing suit jackets. But a man like suit is something I absolutely need to have. Paired with western style boots or creeper shoes and a long shirt. I am in love.

Needle in the hay

2010-12-06T03:40:00.000-08:00

Photos: Alex

All clothes - Second Hand. Scarf - gift. The black furry card is def a rock star in my wardrobe.

One grain of sand

2010-12-02T12:49:00.000-08:00

All photos are from my faves on flickr.

Warm candle scented evenings with movies and books. Locked face to face with memorries. Confronted with reality. All endeavors failed. I step back, lit another cig and watch. I watch you and I hope I am being watched too. I do, I do, I do.

Stone roses

2010-11-29T09:08:00.000-08:00

Photos: Alex

This Second Hand jacket is probably the brightest item in my wardrobe.

When the music's over

2010-11-26T17:22:00.000-08:00

This deserved a seperate post. So here.

Anatomy

2010-11-23T06:53:00.000-08:00

Photos: Marina

Black oversized coat - Second Hand

I want to own all the chelsea boots of the world. I am dead serious.

Hideaway

2010-11-17T08:30:00.000-08:00

Source: this amazing blog

Up in the mountains my perfect hideaway sleeps.

I'll build you a kingdom

2010-11-16T01:25:00.000-08:00

Photos: Alex

Poncho - Second Hand.

This morning started off with a good music choice (Fleetwood Mac that is), a good breakfast and anticipation of walking in the sun. I feel guilty for taking a break from work and everything to spend time doing practically nothing, but damn it feels good.

Come spy with me

2010-11-09T16:34:00.000-08:00

Photos by me

It is interesting how there have been very few people in my photos lately. People are so distracting.

Oh, and my camera is broken. My guitar needs tuning. Myself needs more energy. I hope to get it all fixed soon.

It was so warm here last week. Yesterday, when I went out for a smoke in the middle of the night the air smelled like seaside. A rare moment of joy - I call that baby happiness. Whatever it is, it felt so damn good.

I hope those who still visit my blog, are warm and cosy.

Take me to '69

2010-11-02T16:22:00.000-07:00

A look back from September, I think. Fuzzy coat - Seond Hand. Necklace - Hand Made by my friend. Probably on of the best gifts I have ever received.

I am done with my job. Spending the first bum days in the sun w/ take out coffe and going from one second hand store to another. So far a pair of jeans and a super cool coat. Will be doing more shopping tomorrow.

I am still Morrison obsessed. Life lost. And dirrection lacking. Thing change rarely around here.

A better post next time. Promise.

My eyes have seen you

2010-10-21T06:21:00.000-07:00

Source: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Check out this stream: rising70 . It is amazing!

The blue bus is callin' us

2010-10-19T06:36:00.000-07:00

Everything second hand.

Sorry, for the massive upload of posts and pictures, but other than today I have no idea when I am going to get to my blog next time.

Love me two times, baby

2010-10-19T06:25:00.000-07:00

Photos: me by Alex, me

The Doors and Jim's persona have been a source of major inspiration lately. Will be quitting my new job this month. The day I am gonna walk outa there feels like fucking Christmas. I and my friends are thinking of making a small clothing line, but I will hold my tongue until we have something more solid than just talk.

funny,
I keep expecting a
knock on the door
well, that's what you
get for living around
people

a Knock? would shatter
my dream's illusions
deportment & composure
The struggle of a poor poet
to stay out of the grips
of novels & gambling
& journalism

Jim Morrison "Wilderness"

Meantime

2010-10-01T09:17:00.000-07:00

Mean times indeed. In the meantime of mean times the world is trying to turn me into an office rat. I am skipping fashion week - 100000000 other blogs will take care to repost anyway. I am going nowhere with this. This is not about all things pretty, and will never be.

It is rediculous how everyone comments other blogs to receive comments back. I can actually count sincere comments on here. For that same reason I will not be returning comments anymore.

Edit: Perhaps, to some of you that sounded rough and personal. Please, do not feel like your comments do not mean anything to me. When they do, they do, and I certainly feel that. But the overwhelming amount of what I've been receiving lately is just not right.

My Private Idaho

2010-10-01T09:02:00.000-07:00

Photography by Lincoln Clarkes, who since 1996 had been taking pictures of women with drug addiction. Very own kind of beauty and absense. Faces that have a story to tell. Unlike your well shaved face, office worker. Or your chanel painted face, fashion babe. I do not approve, but i trust.

You can find many more amazing photographs at this livejournal: everydayishow

To die by your side

2010-09-07T16:46:00.000-07:00

Photos: me, su, seaofbirds

Marble bodies of perfection never interested me much before. Not until recently. In Hermitage I found myself staring at the faces that for centuries knew only one emotion, the one that their creator settled upon. I think it is that cold stillness that attraced me. It was next to those bodies of white when I really felt alive. Unfortunately, it was only the temrature that made the difference.

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

2010-08-31T08:13:00.000-07:00

Photos: me

Half of my film roll from St. Petersburg is cemetery pictures. I have never been to cemeteries this beautiful. Quiet and dark, they are the perfect place to take a stroll on a hot sunny day. It is weird how people find them creepy and such. I have never been to a place this peaceful. Death doesn't belong there, because it only exists in those alive. The stones only preserve the image of it, which is so infinitely alluring.

No see

2010-08-19T14:32:00.000-07:00

Photo: me by Sasha

I am back. Well, I came back a long time ago but now am back to blogging. And the feelings on this one (actually on the first one as well) are quite mixed. But anyhow, thank you for staying with me and keep on commenting, I do appreciate.

I wanted to share lots of things, but my photobucket account keeps acting out. So whenever it is fixed, the photos will come.

But I am actually happy that this post is happening. So I guess I'll spit it all out, since I do not have the pictures to your attention. Anyways, I got back to realize that I am not quite happy with my blog anymore. In one of my posts I have mentioned before that the whole fashion scene has become so uninspiring to me and now I am actually starting to think that I hate anything fashion related. Now that all the blogs are filled with new fall or pre fall collections and are looking for trends, I see nothing but fads. And it is not actually the way I wanted to see all of this. I hate going to the limits where you whether love or hate, approve or disapprove. I have always been loyal and qiute opened to everything, never rejected and just liked what I liked. But now, even my favorite brands do not draw my attention and make me want to see their new lookbooks and such.

So I have the feeling that this little blog of mine is going to turn into something else. I will keep posting my looks, with the rest we'll see. I really do not know.